When we’re in “consciousness groups,” do we tend to downplay our own agency, our “mission” so we can get along? Do we forget about our purpose or forget that we even have one? Do we unconsciously play it safe so we can be “liked” and not ruffle too many feathers?

More generally, does the consciousness community as a whole tend to do this playing nice?

I’ll raise my hand. I do it! And it’s not because I’m Canadian.

These two are ever-present and in dynamic tension. But at this time they’re out of balance. This is also the tension between feminine and masculine. I’ll leave that out for this week because it deserves its very own post. Or posts.

Here let’s think of it as the tension between co-regulation and individuation.

I love “co-regulation.” It’s a word associated with trauma researcher Stephen Porges whose amazing work shows how, through the vagas nerve, humans “co-regulate” with other, or fail to, regularly. We fall into  a sympathetic response in which we resonate and harmonize feelings and senses. Co-regulation is a word for what’s at the basis of social interaction. Consciousness groups and we-spaces and and group spaces are all about it.

Individuation is the movement toward going our own way, becoming our one-of-a-kind self, becoming ourselves.

Now it is true that neither of these poles exclude the other, that they’re both informed and partly defined by the other one.

But in practice, today, the co-regulatory movement is much emphasized. In the online world, peace, love, and harmony are in and get the likes. Individuation look rough and uncouth, upsetting.

Our personal missions need the roughness of individuation. The very idea of mission is an individuated notion. Many of us get-along folks can keep on putting it off.

In my work with systemic constellations, I’ve been excitedly diving into mission lately, how to bring it to the surface in a simple way that puts purpose first and connects it to the rest of our life. It’s exciting partly because I’m seeing my own life challenge in a new way.

Let me know if you’d like to chat with me about bringing your mission sense more into alignment with the rest of your life. You can schedule a 31 minute exploratory session here or reply to this email. I’d love to learn how this is landing for you.

As mentioned all this talk of the two poles is indeed related to the two poles of feminine and masculine.  Of course! This is a an important discussion for the consciousness community too, one that we haven’t looked at enough. We’ll have a peek inside that rich and beautiful Pandora’s Box soon.

Write to me personally or leave a comment and let me know what mission challenges you have. Or don’t!


2 Responses

  1. Yes, I agree Andrew, there’s lots going on in that space. The essence of authentic relationship. Our love needs getting met by being nice and agreeable, along with our shadow parts in not wanting others to perceive us as nasty or bad or insensitive etc.etc.

    And yet it is so much more precious and productive for all when we do manage to be real to what we are experiencing in the moment and share it openly without all the reason and logic in fear of offence.

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